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I’ve been married for over 15 years. I wouldn’t say that I’m an expert on marriage, but I do have some tips for you that has kept the romance alive in our marriage. We also have 5 children, so you know we are busy. I sat down to think about what we have done that has kept the spark alive in our marriage and I realized that there were specific steps we took to keep on loving each other through the good times and the bad times. Today I’ll share with you those steps we took, and take everyday, in our relationship.
We definitely have had our ups and downs. Every marriage does.
I’ve really had to step back and take a long hard look at myself. I can’t change him, but I can change myself. I can change my actions, I can learn how to communicate. I can learn about him. I can learn what makes him happy. And I can try to make him happy.
I’ve learned that in return, I get those same things back from him. He really does notice when I try and that means a lot. Marriage takes work. Mostly work on ourselves.
Here are 6 tips from me, the person with life experience, not a college degree in it. Sometimes that’s more valuable. Learn from my mistakes and my victories.
We’ll start with 6 and end with 1. 1 being my best piece of advice.
6. Smile. I know that sounds silly but sometimes we as women forget about it. When our husbands come home from work (or wherever they were all day) we are TIRED and DONE. Does this sound familiar? We just want to dump everything on them and say, “HERE it’s your turn!”
Now let’s stop for a second and think about how we would want to be greeted when we come home from a stressful day. How would you feel if your husband said that to you? You would FREAK out, wouldn’t you? A smile and a greeting can go a long way. A quiet, calm “Hi Honey, how was your day? I missed you, I love you? Can you help me?” is a much better greeting and all defenses are down and we are open and listening.
5. Flirt. Yes you can still flirt when you’ve been married for years! A wink, a kissy face, a squeeze on the butt. What ever it takes to make him smile and let him know that you are thinking about him. A note in his lunch or on his dashboard with a red lipstick kiss. His favorite treat hidden under his pillow. This is all flirting people. Do it! I love to send little love notes through text messages too. We live in a digital world now, why not embrace it? The Dating Divas has done all the work for you! They have a collection of 365 text messages you can send to your spouse. How easy is that?
4. Touch. Hold hands. Hug. Kiss for longer than a split second. And do this in front of your kids and gross them out. They really need to see that mommy and daddy love and care for each other.
3. Talk. Communication is the key to a long and successful marriage. I wasn’t raised like this at all and it’s something that I had to learn how to do. I still have to make myself communicate. I can not ever have anyone mad at me. I get hives. Physical hives on my neck and my face gets all blotchy. So this has been a hard thing for me to learn. If you don’t communicate, you don’t deserve what you need or want. He is NOT a mind reader, even after 15 years. Trust me, he wants to know what you’re thinking. He is not thinking as deeply about it like you are. That’s just how men are. Seriously.
2. Go on dates. Make time for it. Save money for it. Get a babysitter. You’re marriage is worth it. Don’t always go out with friends either. Although it’s really fun to go out with another couple, it takes away from conversations you could have with your husband. Come up with creative dates. Reenact your first date. Find new things to do together that you both love. A cooking class, bowling, etc. Plan a trip you and your husband can take together with just each other. Leave the kids with grandma and take time to remember what it was like before the crazy life of parenting started. It doesn’t have to be a trip to Paris (although no one would complain about that), you can just spend a night in a nearby big city, in a nice hotel room. Spending time with just each other is very important.
I love the ideas that The Dating Divas share with their 52 Weekly Date Night Ideas.
Don’t get stuck going to dinner and a movie every date night. I know that’s easy, but a marriage isn’t easy. Make your date nights count. Make them special. If you are like me, I don’t have any leftover time or energy to plan a fun date night. That’s why it’s awesome that The Dating Divas have done all the work for us. NOT ONLY have they come up with 52 unique ideas but they have created printables so you can make a cute picture album out of your dates. How cute is that!? Check out their 52 Weekly Date Night Ideas HERE.
1. Get the book The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts
If you are interested in taking an extra step to try and heal your marriage and make it “Divorce-Proof”, I would highly recommend using the “Reclaim Your Marriage Workbook”. It’s full of amazing tips and actions you can take to reclaim your marriage.
Because a marriage is worth fighting for!
I hope these tips give you some ideas to use in your own marriage. Do you have other great advice that’s worked for your marriage? Share it here in a comment. Thanks!
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